The Good vs. The Bad

Although last week was great, the weekend had its ups and its downs.

The work week went well - I didn't see my boss Thursday or Friday, and hardly at all on Tuesday. On Tuesday I got out early to babysit for Francie, and that's always a fun diversion. On Wednesday I went to a restaurant called Bouchon for Donna's birthday with her and six of her girlfriends. That was SO fun. Amanda and I were the only two not riding with the group because we live on this side of the hill (that's right, I've got some LA in me) so we got there first. This was kind of a blessing in disguise because shes one of the women in the group I've known the longest and therefore feel the most comfortable talking to, plus shes VERY down to earth. Her husband has been friends with Mitchell for years and years so I feel like I've known them my whole life. We mainly talked about my amazing laser eye surgery (as everyone seems to talk to me about the first time they see me post-op) and by the time we got through that subject the rest of the group was there. Donna seemed very pleasantly surprised to find Amanda and me waiting at the bar.

The meal was ridiculously good. The women ordered a bunch of wine, cocktails and appetizers when we sat down. I stuck to my lemonade, of course (it was great though). The only appetizer they ordered that I had ever tried before were truffled fries, so it was definitely interesting. The fries were delish, the rest I wasn't as impressed with. Lets start with the foie gras. My advice is to NOT sit next to a vegetarian/almost vegan while trying these new things. She was kind enough to tell me the horror story of how they make foie gras before I tried it. Knowing that I would never eat it again, no matter how delicious it was, because of that story.. I went for it. It was just okay. I can see why people like it; its very creamy and smooth and good spread on bread. Not worth torturing the poor goose. Next up was pate. YUCK. So gross. Like, almost-couldn't-swallow-it gross. It's worth mentioning that the people at the table who love these two items thought this was the best pate and foie gras ever. Very strange to me. They also ordered salmon tartar, which didn't get the same rave reviews from the whole crowd (not that they didn't like it, but they were dying for it like they were for the others). I wasn't impressed with that either. Same goes for the platter they ordered, raw oysters, shrimp and lobster. Didn't even bother with the second two because I know I like those, but the oysters didn't do it for me either. But, I'm very happy I tried all of it. I'm sure that all sounds negative, but it was actually a very fun portion of the meal. I love trying new foods, no matter the outcome.

Lisa had a great idea to go around the table and had everyone say how they met Donna and how much they love her. She went first, all teary of course. The rest of the ladies went and it was very nice hearing all of their stories. Her friends really love her. When it got to my turn I knew I couldn't really compare - we're family after all. I actually didn't even KNOW the first time I had met her until a few weeks ago when Donna happened to tell the story of the first time she met the whole family.. when I was six. Apparently I was tired by the end of the night and I just crawled into her lap and fell asleep on her. It was a very special moment to her, but unfortunately I don't remember it at all. So it gets to me and I was going to tell them how I don't remember it at all, but she had told me, blah blah blah. Instead Donna interrupts and says I can't talk. (In my head, I'm going "phew!") Everyone thought it was because it would be all emotional... because every.single.person. had gotten teary so far I think. Not my scene. Anyways, so she goes on to say how I can't talk so she'll talk for me. She tells them all the story (called me a little angel multiple times, thank you very much) and them somehow I'm supposed to say something after all of that??? Awkward. I essentially said how I couldn't really follow that up, but that I've now lived with Donna and I invade her home several times a week and how shes really been who I spend all of my time here with and its been great. Which is true, this has been a really rough and overwhelming move (I think its just starting to hit me how overwhelmed I am, now that I've been able to slightly slow down and think for a second) and that shes really been there for us the whole time. We would certainly be back in Virginia by now had it not been for them, but instead we've had a lot of fun.

Anyways, dinner came and was amazing, I got steak frites and it was probably the best steak I've ever had. I don't even know what they put on top to make it so good, but it was very different and delicious. The rest of the women loved their food too, including Amanda who ordered trout which comes with the head on (and staring right up at you). Dessert was an incredible chocolate cake. I don't know what they did to make that thing so fluffy and smooth, but it was working. The vegetarian next to me also ordered two extra desserts (a decent lemon tart and a very unique vanilla puffy thing) but the cake was the winner. Suzie had ordered the cake as well as the flowers that were our centerpiece, which of course was very emotional for Donna. This thing had its tearfest moments. Girls. I will say, though, that this dinner made me realize that I don't want to move away from Donna and the girls. They are a huge part of my life now. Well, that feeling of being certain that we'd stay here until they moved ended up only lasting about 3 days...

Donna didn't know about that dinner, or the stunning eternity ring I helped Mitch pick out her, or the trip he had planned for them and another couple to go to Vegas the next day, or the resort in San Diego for the weekend. She had joked about wanting diamonds, so she was thrilled with that and they are still the first thing I notice when I see her. Very eye catching. They went to see Love in Vegas (the Beatles show) and Mitchell said it wasn't the best show ever, it was the best THING ever. Zach and I watched the girls while we were there which went very well. Went to see Megamind, I don't really recommend it, and then got some takeout and watched TV until Keira fell asleep. I read a book to Kyla and we all slept in M&D's super comfy bed. Well, Zach got the couch ;) Got them off to school the next morning and everything went great.

Then came the weekend. Mitch and Donna got back and picked them up from school and we went to the mall and out to dinner that night. I was exhausted so I figured that's why I wasn't feeling well, so after dinner I went home. By then I was just in a fog and felt like I just had to go home, I couldn't be out anymore. The next morning Zach, Kaos and I went for a walk/jog on this path in Beverly Hills that I drive by on my way to work every morning and have been wanting to go to the whole time because its so gorgeous. We had a really amazing time. I had a stomach ache so when we got home Zach got me meds and fed me, etc. He was very good. We watched TV until he had to go to work. For some reason, when he went to work I just went into a terrible mood. All of these emotions about being overwhelmed and stressed crashed down on me. I couldn't figure out what the heck was going on. It kind of felt like an anxiety attack, but I was also very sad. And it all came out of the blue. It was awful. I was supposed to babysit that night and fortunately it fell through because I was just a mess. I texted Zach which helped, and by the time he got home I was feeling much better. It went away even faster than it had come, for the most part. This morning I almost went into that same disaster mode again, and for no apparent reason, but it was also when Zach left for work. I was also leaving for work right after him, so I left even earlier than expected because I just couldn't be alone. Very strange. Haven't felt that way since right after I left Radford (a very stressful time in my life).

The good news is it really made me reassess everything. I realized many things. First off, LA might just be too much for me. Things are hard out here, and I don't want to deal with it. Its very hard to realize that despite my education or success at my last job, no one out here really cares and there really aren't many opportunities for me. You always think you're going to do great things, and I'm not right now. Very disappointing. I also realized just how much of this anxiety and stress I've taken out on Zach. I don't know how on earth he puts up with me sometimes, but this breakdown definitely helped our relationship.

The next day he had to work all day. Cindy asked if he wanted to bring me with him, so I went with him and we went to Santa Monica. It was so much fun. The kids were difficult at times but we had a blast anyways. There are fair games to play and we ate at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. which was filled with Forrest Gump movie stuff and was right on the pier. We played a lot of games and stayed there a long time. It was so exhausting, but we had to stay at Cindy's house for a little while once we got back until the nanny, Marisol, got there. She had the weekend off which is why Zach had to go in. We helped Cindy go around the house and find what she needed fixed which was nice because I hadn't really spent any time talking to Cindy and we got along very well. I'm usually very shy and uncomfortable with people at first, and I have been with her every other time I've met her, but this was fine. Plus its nice to feel useful and helpful, especially when I only feel that way about 15% of the time at my job. Another thing I hate about being here, its not a good feeling.

Sooo.. long story short, it was a great week and weekend. Not only was it fun (minus the breakdown) but I think the rough parts actually will really help me in the future. I know something is wrong with my life here right now, but that it has nothing to do with my relationship and that my relationship is actually much better than I've been giving it credit for lately. Now I just have to figure out what to do to get me out of this slump.